Raising a happy and healthy child is a parent’s most challenging job, but raising a happy and healthy child is also the most significant reward a parent can win.
Yet many parents neglect proper parenting and would never take it seriously as much as they take running off to the office and handling paperwork.
They merely depend on their instincts to raise children or, worse still, adopt the parenting style their parents used, whether they are effective or not.
Even if they were effective on you and your siblings, that doesn’t mean they would be effective on your child.
What is Parenting?
Parenting is raising children and endowing them with love, care, and protection to ensure their healthy development into adulthood.
Parenting’s objectives are to ensure that children are safe and healthy. It also helps to prepare children to fit in as productive adults and to transfer cultural values.
Parenting Styles
Parenting style is the combination of approaches you use to train your children. Although different parents have different parenting methods, fears and concerns are typically similar.
These similarities propelled the classification of parenting styles into groups with distinct names and features.
However, there is no clear-cut line between these parenting groups, and most often, these styles are on a continuum, with one occasionally flowing into another.
This is to say that most parents switch parenting styles occasionally when necessary. For instance, a permissive parent might decide to become strict to teach a kid a lesson.
It is essential not to go overboard if you are adopting the strict method of raising your kids.
Forms of Parenting Styles
Authoritarian Parenting
Parents practicing this type of parenting style are regarded as disciplinarians. Punishment is common in this type of parenting.
Their discipline style is strict, with rules made without proper negotiation and consideration.
Uninvolved or Permissive Parenting
In this parenting method, children are allowed to do whatever they want. Parents sometimes do not participate in activities that concern their children due to ignorance or lack of interest in a child’s well-being.
Sometimes, it is a deliberate measure parents employ to avoid interfering in their children’s affairs.
An uninvolved parent does not discipline children, offers little affection, and does not interact with children to understand their needs and fears.
Very little or nothing is expected of children from such homes.
Democratic Parenting
Democratic parents are rational in making decisions and in implementing them. Although they set high standards and expectations, laws are clearly stated and explain why they are made.
Children are given directions and advice and can then make their own decisions, preparing them to become productive members of society.
This parenting style is the most beneficial, enabling children to grow into self-disciplined individuals capable of independent thinking.
Apart from the outlined parenting styles, other factors that affect a child’s development include the child’s temperament and how it fits with the parents, peer group influence, and the teacher’s method of working with the children.
Principles of Good Parenting
What You Do Matters?
Your children learn from what you do as you go about your daily routine. It is an apparent reference to the “monkey see, monkey do” analogy.
Even the tiniest detail matters, from your health behavior to how you accommodate and treat others with respect.
You must always be conscious of your actions as a parent and don’t just react on impulse, especially when your children are around.
Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of every intended action and ensure they align with what you want to accomplish.
You Cannot Be Too Loving
People make the mistake of thinking that excess love spoils a child. If there is anything love does, it ensures a child’s proper growth and development.
A loved child is always happy, and such a child grows into an active, happy adult who controls his or her emotions.
A child showered with love would grow up to show and receive love. According to Steinberg, “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love.”
What actually spoils a child is always giving your child what they want in place of love—things like lowered expectations, material possessions, and leniency.
Be Involved in Your Child’s Life
Being involved in your child’s life means making him or her a priority at all times. Children need your presence and attention physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
It takes time, dedication, and hard work to be an involved parent, and this means being able to reprogram and reschedule to meet your child’s needs, which could be impromptu sometimes.
Adapt Your Parenting to Fit Your Child
Although kids possess many similar characteristics, each child is unique and has a distinctive difference. This is why parents must adopt a parenting style that works well for them and their kids.
Also, a child’s behavior varies with age, and you might want to consider changing parenting styles as your child moves from one stage to another.
The same inspiration for autonomy that is making your 3-year-old kid say ‘no’ all the time is the same thing that drives him to be toilet trained. As parents, we should be careful about what we shun or ignore.
Establish and Set Rules
If you couldn’t manage your child’s behavior when he was younger, it would be difficult for him to manage himself well when he is grown. He wouldn’t be able to make decisions or take any actions without you there.
As early as possible, set rules and regulations that will guide your child. Even when you are not there, consciously or unconsciously, the rules your child has learned will help determine the rules he applies to himself.
Remember that rules aren’t something you impose on children; they’re something you inculcate in them. If you impose rules on children, they might grow into children who do everything they are asked to do even without knowing the significance of their actions, and nobody wants such a child.
Foster Your Child’s Independence
A man once said that parenting is about making your child believe they can do anything in the world and occasionally shouting, “No, you can’t do that.” Fix the bar and set limits to Help your child develop a sense of self-restraint.
Encourage independence because it helps him build a sense of self-direction. An individual will need both of these to succeed in life.
It is natural for a child to push for independence, and this should not be misinterpreted as obstinacy or stubbornness. A child pushes for self-reliance because, naturally, everyone likes to feel in control and not controlled.
Be Consistent
When you set rules, make sure they are consistent with previous rules. If a change is needed, endeavor to explain it adequately to the child.
If you are unpredictable with your rules and actions, you leave the child confused, and this child is bound to misbehave.
When a child misbehaves, it is not their fault but yours for making him unsure of what you want. Consistency is a parent’s best disciplinary tool. A child is less likely to challenge authority if it is based on wisdom and not on power.
Avoid Harsh Discipline
Spanking children isn’t the best form of discipline; in fact, it is actually the worst. Studies have shown that children being spanked for doing wrong are more likely to fight with other children.
They are also more likely to be bullies and solve disputes by being aggressive. Do not hit, slap, or spank your child under any circumstances.
No matter how wrongly the child has behaved, there are many other forms of punishment other than spanking, and the message can still be passed.
You could take away privileges, for instance, no video games for the next week, extra chocolates after meals, or no more TV time.
Explain Your Rules and Decisions
As a parent, you always have certain expectations you want your kids to maintain. No matter how sincere your intentions are, kids might not understand why you make such stupid rules even though they are all so apparent to you.
Therefore, you must carefully and sufficiently explain every rule you make to them so they don’t just obey; they also understand why they have to obey.
Note that it is not the same explanation you give your five-year-old that you will give an adolescent.
Treat Your Child With Respect
Yes, children need to be respected, too; that way, they will respect you even more. Be courteous with your child just like you would with anyone else. Speak to him politely, and do not shun his opinion when he talks.
Parents should learn to listen properly when their children talk to them and let them know at every opportunity that they are loved. A child who experiences love and respect grows up to be emotionally stable.
Having learned love and respect, they wouldn’t find it difficult to love and respect others.
Don’t Shun Them in Front of Strangers
Parents must do their best not to embarrass their kids in public. You can wait until you get home or to a more private place to express your anger and let your child know how you feel about their insensitive actions.
However, you might be doing more harm than good when you scold them in front of strangers. This can go a long way in affecting their self-esteem.
Parenting During Mealtime
In many homes, especially for young parents, mealtimes are battle times, and the dining table is the battlefield.
Most children never seem to want to eat, no matter how long it has been since their last meal or how delicious it looks.
This has remained a tough challenge for parents who are caught between trying to convince their kids that eating is not such a bad idea and trying not to hurt or make them cry.
Below are some suggestions that could make mealtime less dreadful:
- Share your story during mealtime: You can talk about your day’s experience during dinner. It would make kids last longer at the table because, being kids, they would always want to talk about the exciting parts of their day.
- Avoid power struggles during mealtime: Don’t give your kid the impression that because you are the parent, you have power over them and can make them do whatever you want.
- Keep your kids engaged: You can make eating more interesting by letting the kids participate in the cooking. Allow them to do minor jobs in the kitchen. You can tell them to help you pass the salt or unfold seasonings.
- Don’t label them bad or picky eaters: It is very common for kids to have food preferences, which is not horrible. Parenting involves identifying those meals your child enjoys eating and letting them eat them. It’s a good thing that food preferences normally pass with age.
- Do not expose kids to new varieties every time: The way a child derives comfort from repeatedly hearing the same bedtime story is the same way they are more comfortable eating foods they are familiar with. Introducing your child to a new meal occasionally is OK, but do not overdo it.
- Avoid bribing kids with sweets and junk to make them eat. This gesture sends the wrong message that one should be rewarded for doing the wrong thing and that eating junk is an excellent way to reward yourself. Parents should make sure not to encourage junk and sweets in their kids.
- Encourage kids to drink water instead of juice when thirsty: Drinking juice in place of water is a bad habit that a child can develop over time. If the child proves stubborn, you can play a simple trick of coloring the water by adding a little quantity of their favorite juice.
Parenting During Physical Fitness Time
Regular exercise is an essential part of a child’s development program. Children need at least one hour of daily exercise to maintain healthy growth.
Unfortunately, the entertainment industry is bent on providing sedentary entertainment, and children always prefer this to outdoor activities.
Below are some suggestions that would help increase and improve family fitness time.
- Limit your children’s screen time: Make sure they spend less time in front of TVs, computers, video games, and mobile phones.
- Make an exercise schedule: If a specific time is set aside for physical activities, it would be easier for you and the kids to get up and going each day.
- Support physical fitness exercises in school: Physical fitness activities help students reduce stress and relax. It also provides an opportunity for socialization in the school environment.
- Engage in outdoor activities: Plan to spend day-offs, weekends, and vacations around places where you can have fun and engage in physical fitness activities simultaneously. Such as riding bikes, playing volleyball on the beach, and hiking.
- Use local resources available in your community: If there is a park in your community, visit it often and sign up for available teams you are interested in. This can serve as an interesting engagement your child would enjoy.
- Socialize: To make exercise time even more exciting and worthwhile, invite the neighbors and organize group activities that everyone would participate in. Sometimes competitions should be organized to encourage and support each other. Playtime is always fun for both adults and kids.
- Get the kids involved: Make sure the children are being exposed to various exercises so they can choose the ones they enjoy the most. This way, they wouldn’t get bored during physical fitness time.
- Let them take the lead occasionally: Kids like being in charge, so they take turns coordinating the family fitness exercise. It would be exciting that they are being made director, and they would certainly have fun watching the whole family work at their own pace.
Uncomfortable Things Kids Can Be Allowed to Do
Tearing and Staining Clothing
The best way for a child to understand the outside world is to go out and explore it. Being a kid is fascinating; they find everything exciting and are always curious about everything. This curiosity makes them throw all caution away as they discover their world.
At these moments, it is not jolting that kids forget about their clothes, how neat they are, or how much they cost.
They get it all stained and might even tear it while they play. Kids should be allowed to sew clothes as much as they want while they play.
However, if you are concerned about how expensive it is to keep replacing clothes every time, you could split their wardrobe into two so they have a specific set of clothes they can wear to play. This way, they wouldn’t ruin that pretty dress that cost you so much.
Eating Junk Food
Most kids will always prefer junk food to a proper healthy meal. They will always prefer sweets to fruits and chocolates to veggies.
It doesn’t just end with devouring these junks; they also leave their clothes and hands soiled with the sticky mess from sweets and greasy doughnuts, after which they will touch everything around them, making everything sticky and messy.
These shouldn’t be enough reasons to ban kids from eating junk because it becomes a haram in the child’s mind.
Parents are encouraged to occasionally buy these foods for the kids so that they know it’s possible to have a pack of chips on the shelf without having to eat the whole pack at once.
The kids will realize they do not need to hide a pack of secretly eaten sweets from their parents.
Spending Personal Money on Things They Don’t Need
As pointed out earlier, children like to feel a sense of independence and worth. Sometimes, they should be left to make decisions independently, no matter how stupid you think such decisions might be.
Children might spend money on toys, clothes, food, transportation fare, and even outings with friends.
Most of the time, parents consider their expenses silly and unnecessary because they don’t need the things they buy. So, they try to limit the child from making unnecessary expenses by imposing bans.
This approach should not be encouraged in parenting because when you give a child money, it has become their property, and they should be allowed to decide what to spend the money on, especially when the child has to work for the money.
This way, they will learn to manage money and differentiate between their needs and desires.
Being Careless
In modern times, children have been found to become more preoccupied, anxious, and depressed compared to generations past.
The reasons somehow settle in the fact that children always compete to gain specific knowledge.
School programs are becoming increasingly tedious and always keep kids busy with either doing this or doing that.
Social media, which has become quite popular, isn’t helping much, as it often makes kids feel they are not good enough or they are not doing enough.
That is why kids need to do nothing from time to time. If they demand a break, let them have one.
If a child has a free period out of a day’s routine, do not be in a hurry to fill it with something new.
Allow them some moments of carelessness and freedom. This is very important for their mental health.
Skipping School
Good academic performance is good, but it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is the all-round development of a school kid, which includes mental and psychological health.
Pilling kids with schoolwork doesn’t help them achieve that, so it is important to let them have some break if they ask for it or artificially create free time for them, especially if you notice that they are tense, stressed, or depressed.
Give kids the time and the opportunity to slow down and reflect on what they want, what they like to do, what their dreams are because most times it is impossible to find time and strength to seek answers to such easy questions in the chaos of all the tasks both parents and children have.
Arguing With Adults
It is essential to help your younger kids understand that not all adults are good and that they don’t need to run all their errands or attend to every one of their needs right away. As for the older kids, it is a matter of ethics.
Fortunately or unfortunately, wisdom and knowledge are becoming less dependent on age. An older person might be wrong about something or behave unacceptably, and you must learn to stand your ground and defend your rights even as a child.
Parents teach children to avoid insults, tantrums, and arguments even though they can’t do it themselves. They often wrongly assume that a child is impolite when he argues with an adult.
In reality, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a child trying to defend his opinion by pointing out to an adult where he is wrong.
If you think you have lost control over your teenage daughter just because you are arguing with her, remember the argument is a battle you are both involved in.
You can show your daughter a positive example by turning the argument into a search for compromise.
Choosing Clothes
When you take the kids shopping, and they begin to pick clothes, do not start wringing your mouth and rolling your eyes in disapproval. Many parents don’t particularly enjoy shopping time with their kids.
And it’s not just because of the price tags, the vast range of choices, and the constant arguments, but also because they don’t agree with the kids’ choices.
You don’t understand why they would instead pick that acid-washed hoodie, those ripped jeans, and even more ridiculously, why those mummy Jeans that look so faded still have a price tag on them.
The psychologist advises that parents learn to keep calm and let their kids have their way. After all, they will wear it, and it is better to let your kids choose their clothes.
This is because it helps the kid shape their personal “self,” work on their individuality and locate their space in society.
Moreover, they will wear them every morning with excitement, without complaints, and without making cranky faces.
Being Disobedient
Most times, parenting is all about seeing the best in your kids, no matter how wrong they are.
Many would argue that having a disobedient child who doesn’t listen to instructions or take directions is terrible.
Parents would always worry about this and suffer endless headaches as a result.
But have you ever considered that a child who follows all directions and heeds all instructions will grow into an adult with no sense of will and no chance of defending their interests?
Such a child would always be taken advantage of. As bad as being disobedient might be, it wouldn’t be wrong to admit that it has benefits. Such a kid wouldn’t struggle to stand for his rights and defend his interests.
This kind of child would be willing to shut down values and actions that are not in harmony with his. Kids like this would grow into adults ready to act rather than whisper, “You can’t do that.”
Playing Video Games
Education doesn’t just begin and end within the four walls of the school compound; it can take place anywhere, with anything, and at any given opportunity.
Parenting involves identifying those opportunities and letting your kids explore them. Allowing your kids to play video games has a more positive impact on a child’s brain than watching TV.
Video games teach children to respond quickly and utilize every sense organ. However, it is essential not to let them spend too much time tapping gamepads.
Conclusion
Parenting always looks like an easy job to those who aren’t yet parents, but once they begin to have kids, they realize that parenting is much more than just giving birth to a baby and watching them grow.
It involves showing love and affection, providing for their physical, mental, social, and emotional needs, and protecting them from harm that could affect them mentally, physically, socially, academically, and more.
Parents should endeavor to maintain an adequate parenting style so that their children grow into healthy and productive members of society.
Are you a parent? How would you describe your experience raising your kids? Are there tips you would like to share with us on how best to be a good parent? Kindly do so in the comments below.
