Most people do not know self-parenting is another dimension of caring for oneself. Self-parenting is learning to care, teach, scold, encourage, advise, and take responsibility for oneself.
You can call it self-care, but at the same time, you are playing the role of a parent in your life without your parents being there.
How Self-Parenting Works?
The idea of self-parenting occurs in the cerebral hemisphere, where there is an internal discussion between two voices in the brain. This discussion is usually between the inner child in you and the adult in you.
Each person’s self-parenting differs from the other, resulting from the parenting technique used on them by their parents/guardians.
Self-parenting is the only way to overcome your fears, stand strong for yourself, be your inspiration and motivation, and challenge yourself to become a better person than you are now.
What Are the Benefits of Self-Parenting?
Self-parenting helps solve a variety of issues that may have resulted from childhood traumas, toxic parenting, past issues you have been avoiding or been scared to face, etc.
It motivates you to try different ways of dealing with these issues than avoiding them.
Self-parenting helps us understand ourselves and helps us interact and communicate with others while controlling our inner child.
It also helps us understand our childlike needs and ways to satisfy ourselves and become better members of society.
How to Get Started With Self-Parenting?
Search for Your Parent Self
Yeah, your parent self is the key to passing through this hurdle, so you need to locate it. Most people are very good at parenting others but not themselves.
You need to recognize the parent in you and find ways to be a good parent to the child you are about to open up to.
Most people are parents themselves, so you should apply the tactics you use on your child for your inner child.
Locate Your Inner Child
We all know that some of us remain a child even after growing into adults. Self-parenting is the only way to conveniently locate your inner parent and inner child, regardless of your age, status, or position.
Accessing your inner child can be tasking and is not a process you should rush because it comes with many memories, anger, fear, pain, trust issues, etc., so you might want to be careful.
Identify the Problems
While trying to deal with old wounds, you realize that they pop out every day in your life, affecting you unconsciously.
Right at this stage, you keep practicing the role of a parent to a child, i.e., your inner parent to your inner child, till you finally overcome all the childhood emotions and drama dragging you down.
Give the Child What It Needs
Now that you have successfully learned how to handle your inner parent and how the inner parent can handle your inner child, you need to provide for its needs.
You couldn’t get these needs from childhood, which made you tuck all those feelings aside. Offering your inner child all it ever needed is an excellent step to overcoming your childhood fears.
At this point, you are a parent to yourself, and as a parent, you must give your child what he needs.
Remember, we are not talking about physical things but rather emotional support that would help mend the issues of the past and heal every wound created.
Tips for Self-parenting
Check Your Feelings
This is the very first step in conquering your trauma and exercising the parent in you.
It is often important to check how you feel in times of need, allowing you to apply factual and simple logic when dealing with issues rather than allowing your emotions to get your best.
You should cultivate the habit of rummaging through your mind, clearing out unnecessary garbage, managing the situation, achieving positive results, and mastering the parent factor that gives you victory over your inner child.
Don’t Rush the Process
Self-parenting is a process of reparenting yourself, correcting your parents‘ errors, and working on issues bottled up since childhood without judging your parents.
You can’t just pour out all your inner feelings, desires, and troubles in one day and expect everything to be normal immediately.
Remember that the things you’re dealing with have been there for years, so you need to be patient with the child in you; give it some time to try to allow the parent in you to take charge.
Speak Up
This is one of the most challenging tasks in the process. Even while trying to parent yourself, one voice is telling you to bottle up your emotions, which is wrong.
When you speak your mind about situations and events, the parent in you feels responsible for your words and actions.
Once the inner child in you starts making you shy away from saying how you feel about situations, events, and things, let your inner parent take charge and decide to say things out.
Be Supportive
Self-parenting comes with this aura of positivity; there is no room for negative thoughts and actions.
You have to overlook the child in you who gives up at every little opportunity and focus on encouraging yourself, advising yourself, and pressing on even when it seems you have nothing left.
As a parent, your language structure should always spell out positivity and support; likewise, even when you feel like giving up, the parent should come up to help you move further with supportive language and actions.
Self-parenting is like actual parenting, only this time, you are both the parent and the child.
Stop Comparison
Comparison is a joy killer. Ever wondered why your parents never compared you with others? Instead, they encourage you and let you see the best in yourself.
That is what parenting is about. Now it’s your turn to parent yourself. Avoid comparing yourself to others; tell yourself you are the best and can do better than your current position.
Comparison leads to low self-esteem and self-depreciation. Whenever a comparison comes to mind, talk to your inner child.
Avoid Self-deprecating Humor
Humor is good, and it’s an aspect of life that helps us release all the tension and seriousness in the world. But it becomes self-deprecating when you always put yourself at the end.
Poking at yourself each time to sound funny or make others laugh isn’t necessary. You don’t have to put yourself at the receiving end each time.
Talk to Yourself
Most people believe in having conversations with themselves, which is an excellent way to maintain balance between one’s inner child and the adult.
Sometimes, we do things that may seem okay to us, and later, when alone, we find the adult reprimanding us for what we just did.
That’s exactly what self-parenting is about. Have a relaxed conversation with yourself and try to take out some things that you know may hinder your relationship with yourself and others due to your childish desires.
Self-parenting and Relationships
Self-parenting helps a lot with your relationship with others and your partner. When your inner parent finds it difficult to handle your childish insecurities, fears, and expectations, they do more harm than good, straining your daily life.
It is easier for us to let our inner child take charge of our relationships. But while they do so, they take control of our emotions and sense of reasoning.
Making peace with your inner self allows you to take charge of situations in a controlled manner.
Here is what to do whenever you are in a situation with your partner. By taking these steps, you have allowed your inner parent to balance your inner child and would no longer control your emotions.
Be Calm
Once there is a conflict, we all get defensive, no matter who’s wrong or not. Now, while the child in you might make you feel like your partner is trying to make you look bad, your inner parent should change that feeling.
Instead of being defensive, try to stay calm, listen to your partner’s point of view, and understand where they are coming from.
Be Proactive and Not Reactivate
Being proactive means taking bold steps towards reconciliation and working things through with your partner rather than looking for who to blame.
Start by accepting constructive criticism and feedback from your partner without feeling bad about it.
