Gentle parenting is an alternative to the conventional authoritarian ‘old school’ parenting style. It is a peaceful and constructive approach to parenting.
Empathy, Respect, Empathy, and Boundaries are characteristics of this parenting mentality.
Often, ‘gentle parenting’ is used interchangeably with ‘attachment parenting. ‘ Though these two parenting styles are similar, they have their differences.
Gentle parenting encourages children to form relationships with you based on their desires and choices rather than parental demands and guidelines.
Gentle parenting encourages children to do what is good by using positivity and patience rather than fear of punishment.
Gentle parenting helps raise kids with sensitivity and warmth while measuring reasonable expectations and boundaries.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a parenting specialist and author of The Gentle Parenting Book, advocates gentle parenting.
‘Gentle parenting isn’t just about using unique approaches,’ Sarah says. It’s all about developing an ethos and fully altering your mindset. It’s more of a state of mind than a method of action.
Approach all parenting situations with Empathy for the child. Try to understand the reasoning behind their behavior. Work together to change it positively and accept what cannot be changed.
There are four fundamental principles of Gentle parenting.
They are:
Gentle Parenting Through Empathy
Gentle parenting requires parents to be aware of their child’s feelings and needs while parenting.
Misunderstanding a child can result in difficult parenting situations. Instead of dismissing a child as ‘manipulative’ or ‘naughty,’ a parent should try to understand the cause of the child’s misbehavior.
By addressing the root cause of the bad behavior, a parent can eliminate this occurring in the future.
Gentle Parenting Through Respect
Respect for your child as an adult is another crucial characteristic of gentle parenting. Usually, parents must set rules and demands, telling their children what to do and what not to do.
However, in gentle parenting, respect is gained by parents respecting their children’s feelings and personalities, and a child will eventually learn to respect their parents.
Children and their parents should respect each other and not respect their parents in a vacuum.
Parents should monitor themselves and ensure that they approach their children in a polite and upbeat way rather than being dismissive or condescending.
Listening to a child when they speak and asking questions before reacting is the easiest way to integrate respect into a parent-child relationship.
If a child does something, gentle parenting urges you to identify why the child did that in the first place before reacting to the child’s action.
Gentle Parenting Through Understanding
The gentle parenting method recognizes that children are not fully developed and often lack the same control over their actions and behavior as adults.
With this in mind, parents must alter their perceptions of what constitutes “natural” or “abnormal” behavior in children. This is important when a child has a temper tantrum or difficulty sleeping.
Gentle parenting through understanding also requires a parent to understand themselves and their behavior.
For example, when parents feel compelled to be violent toward their child by yelling or raising their voice.
Being a role model for children requires us to modify our behavior and attitudes.
Sarah says: ‘Remember, we are our child’s greatest teacher. Stop and ask yourself if how you’re behaving is what you want to teach your child. For example, if your child does something wrong, do you want to yell at or punish them (teaching them that yelling is how to resolve situations), or do you want to teach them how to stay calm and solve problems?’
Offering to understand your child and yourself relieves stress, tension, anger, and confusion for both of you.
When parents hear their children out and try to understand them, they feel comfortable around their parents.
Children who are heard and understood by their parents will most likely come to their parents whenever they are in trouble or difficult situations, and they will be willing to take their parents’ advice and adhere to their rules.
Understanding focuses mainly on how parents communicate with their children, how they encourage their children to communicate, and the expectations they put forth.
Training yourself on the typical developmental expectations for children is one of the most crucial aspects of understanding.
Parents should not expect children to behave in a way that is too advanced or emotionally mature for their development.
Gentle Parenting With Boundaries
There’s a misconception that gentle parenting equates to permissive parenting, which allows kids to get away with everything. However, boundaries play a crucial role in differentiating these two parenting styles.
Boundaries are about showing children a better way of doing things, not about creating endless lists of rules and regulations.
Sarah said, ‘Boundaries are just a collection of family rules.’ It’s important to make these decisions with your partner or co-parent in mind.
Others who will be caring for the infant should also be involved. It’s preferable to have fewer rules that are important to you and that you know you will follow rather than an extensive and confusing list that no one will follow.’
Gentle parenting encourages parents to set boundaries that promote a safe, caring, and secure atmosphere. Boundaries vary by family, but they typically include aspects of communication, behavior, and expectations.
Gentle Parenting Features
Bonding With Your Kid
Gentle parenting is about creating a bond between parents and their kids. According to Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS, a licensed psychologist, “Gentle parenting is sometimes referred to as attachment parenting or constructive discipline, and its focus is on the importance of the parent-child relationship in assisting children in developing internal self-control and the ability to manage feelings and behaviors.
Parents appear to spend time engaging with their children about their choices, emotions, and challenges rather than enforcing strict expectations or consequences.”
If a parent takes time to discuss with her kids, listen to them, understand their autonomy and choice, and respect them, they will become very comfortable being around their parents, creating a strong bond.
Autonomy and Choice
This section is about seeing a child as a human capable of experiencing feelings and emotions. One key component is treating the child as the parent would want to be treated.
A gentle parent has to give room for autonomy and choice, understand that behavior is always rooted in some need or underlying issue, and seek to understand the child’s perspective before making assumptions about their emotions or behavior.
Gentle parenting encourages parents to give children the freedom to make choices and learn from them, communicate openly, respect all family members, problem-solve when challenges arise, and address things in playful ways when appropriate.
Avoid Punishment as a Way to Discipline
Instead of punishing children, gentle parenting focuses on avoiding retribution, learning from the child’s mistakes, and determining whether the child wants to make amends. This has a positive impact on children’s attitudes.
Gentle parenting encourages parents to talk things out with kids and understand their actions and the reasons behind them instead of meeting out punishment.
Being Mindful of the Way You Use Praise
Praise can be effective at times as a motivator for children. However, you must be careful not to overpraise them to boost their morale, as this will weaken their confidence.
Kids believe that they need external reinforcement to feel good about themselves or must continually receive praise.
Allow Kids to Be Part of the Parenting Process
This relates to choices: if you want your child to grow up to be self-sufficient, you must teach them that they have options in big and small decisions.
Yes, everyday annoyances and tasks are included.
What Are the Benefits of Gentle Parenting?
The benefits of gentle parenting include:
- Gentle parenting results in happier parents
- Children raised under gentle parenting grow up with more self-worth.
- Gentle parenting makes children more intelligent
- Gentle parenting gives children a level of independence
- Children grow up with better self-esteem, believing in themselves, and trusting their abilities.
- Children are more responsible and resourceful.
- Gentle parenting allows children to learn essential life skills early, which will help them in the long run.
- Children raised by gentle parents are more likely to have a healthy relationship with others when they become adults.
- Gentle parenting helps children to respect other people’s feelings, opinions,
What Are the Downsides of Gentle Parenting?
Gentle parenting can quickly become an area without boundaries, and you should be careful about that.
Being gentle with kids, giving them room to make certain decisions, having their own opinions on matters, etc., can make them feel like they can do whatever they want.
This is why parents who adopt gentle parenting are advised to set boundaries.
To be gentle with your infant, you may mistakenly believe that any indication of anxiety, expectation, or other emotion is evidence that you are not behaving “gently,” which is a trap.
Be mindful of your own needs often—part of being a “gentle” parent includes being gentle with yourself.
Sometimes, parents may stop paying attention to their needs to focus on their children.
As such, parents have to be very careful when practicing gentle parenting.
Conclusion
While “gentle parenting” is a “trend,” the idea is based on behaviors that scholars have debated for years—and that parents might already be employing.
The ultimate objective of gentle parenting is to build a strong bond with your child based on confidence, development, and security.
