Choosing to have your first sex can be a huge deal, as no amount of preparation or research will adequately prepare you for what you might encounter.
But before you take the giant step, here are 27 things you need to keep in mind.
- The definition of virginity varies among people
Every individual has his way of defining virginity. Some define virginity as never involved in any form of penetrative sex – whether anal, vaginal or oral.
While others may say being a “virgin” means you haven’t had vaginal penetration with a penis, despite engaging in other types of sex such as anal penetration and oral stimulation.
But whichever way you put it, an essential thing to note and always remember is that only you have the right to choose when to have sex and that you’re cool with that decision.
S when the time comes, do not think of it as “giving” or “losing” something. In actuality, you’re acquiring a whole new experience.
- Even if your notion of virginity entails penetration, there’s so much more than just P and V:
Many people presume that the only way to “lose” your virginity is by penetrating the vagina with a penis, but there’s more to it. Some people may no longer see themselves as virgins when they are penetrated with a sex toy or even anal penetration.
Others might re-evaluate their virginity status after giving or receiving oral stimulation. When it comes to sex and virginity, there’s more to it than just P and V.
- Your hymen won’t “pop” during vaginal penetration:
You must have heard the myth that if you have a hymen, during vaginal penetration, it will break. But like all others, it is nothing but a myth.
A normal hymen isn’t a piece of tissue covering the vagina opening as the legend asserts. Instead, the hymen is usually a loose – not really intact – piece of tissue hanging around the vagina.
Depending on its size, a hymen can tear off during penetrative sex, and physical activities such as exercise. But it just won’t “pop” because it can’t.
- Your hymen has zero relationships with your virginity status:
Like your nose and toes, your hymen is just a body part. It doesn’t confirm whether you’re a virgin any more than your fingers do.
Besides, not everyone is born with it. And if they are, it may be a tiny piece of tissue. You – and only you can determine your virginity status.
- There will be no change in your physical appearance:
There will be no change in your physical appearance after your first sex – or second, third or even tenth. Though you will experience some physiological reaction associated with sexual arousal such as:
- Erect penis
- Swollen vulva
- Sweating
- Flushed skin
- Rapid breathing
They are only temporary arousal-related reactions. It’s just a sign that your body is responding to stimulus – it’s not changing.
- There’s no such thing as an after sex “look.”
After you’re through having sex, your body will gradually return to its normal state. But the cooling session only takes a few minutes. Therefore, there is no way someone else will know that you just had sex or you’re no longer a virgin unless you choose to tell them.
- It almost certainly won’t be like the sex scenes in porn movies:
Everyone encounters sex differently. But you shouldn’t assume your first will be like the ones on TV. Sex scenes on the silver screen don’t occur in one take – actors regularly have to reposition themselves and directors might re-film specific scenes, so it looks good.
In other words, what you see on television and movies are actually not a realistic image of what sex looks like for most people.
- Your first penetration might feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t hurt.
The first time you have sex, it’s completely normal to feel uncomfortable. During penetration, frictions occur, and it could cause discomfort, but you shouldn’t feel pain.
If having sex does hurt, it could be as a result of lack of lubrication or maybe a medical condition like endometriosis. If you feel pain every time you have sex, it is advisable to see your doctor. They can diagnose and help treat any underlying ailment.
- This is where foreplay (and some lubrication) gains entrée.
Naturally, your vagina may produce lubrication or become “wet.” But occasionally, the lube produced by the vagina might not be enough to reduce friction.
Using a lube could help minimize irritation and make vaginal penetration more comfortable. If you’re attempting anal sex, lube is an obvious must; the anus – unlike the vagina – doesn’t become ‘wet’ and penetrating without lubrication can cause tears.
- Your sheets almost certainly won’t be bloody.
During your first penetration, you may experience some light bleeding, but don’t expect a scene from “300”. If you’re engaging in vaginal penetration, there may be some minor bleeding if your hymen stretches.
And during anal penetration, the anal canal tissues might tear leading to mild bleeding. However, this primarily shouldn’t produce enough blood to mess up your sheets.
- Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be contacted through any form of sex.
The spread of STIs is not limited to only vaginal penetration. It can also be spread through oral stimulation or anal penetration, notwithstanding if you’re the one receiving or giving. That’s why it’s of utmost importance to use different forms of protection such as condoms every time.
- Pregnancy is possible if you’re engaging in P and V intercourse
If you engage in penis-vaginal penetration – even if for the first time, getting pregnant is very much in the books.
It can occur when sperm is ejaculated inside the vagina or outside, but close to the vagina opening. It is advisable to use a condom or any other form of protection to prevent from such an occurrence,
- You may not orgasm the first time if you have a vagina.
Climaxing isn’t always a guarantee, and there’s a tendency that you may not have an orgasm during your first sexual intercourse.
This could occur due to some reasons like comfort levels and medical conditions. in fact, studies have shown that around 11 to 41 percent of people with a vagina has difficulty in climaxing with their partners.
- You may orgasm faster than expected if you have a penis.
It is usual for someone with a penis to climax faster than wanted – or expected – during sex. Research shows that 1 out of 3 people suffer from premature ejaculation. If you orgasm quickly than expected whenever you have sex, it is advisable to consult a doctor.
They may be able to recommend medications and therapies to tackle the issue. However, there’s a probability that you might not climax during your first sex even if you ejaculate.
- Or that your penis is not responding to stimuli.
You may notice that your penis is not able to sustain an erection firm enough for penetration. This could be embarrassing but note that erectile dysfunction (ED) occasionally occurs.
ED can occur due to specific reasons such as anxiety and stress. Anxiety, in this case, is because it’s your first attempt at sex. But if ED lingers, it’s advisable to consult a doctor for proper diagnosis.
- The more relaxed you are, the more disposed you are to orgasm.
It is possible to orgasm when you feel relaxed with your partner, your body and the experience in as a whole.
When you’re relaxed, you will be more open to sexual stimulation. Subsequently, the pleasurable sensations coursing through your body could build up into an orgasm.
- Having an orgasm isn’t always the point of sex.
Don’t get it twisted – orgasms are exciting! They send pleasure waves throughout your body that makes you happy.
But climaxing isn’t always the point of sex though. What really matters is that you and your partner are both relaxed and equally into the encounter.
- If you have specific wants – don’t hide it!
Do not disregard your personal desires. If you have specific wants and needs, do not hesitate to tell your partner. It’s essential to keep an open mind about your desires especially since it’s your first time having sex so that you can get the very best out of the experience.
- You have the right not to do anything that you’re not cool with.
No means no. End of discussion. You don’t have to do something that you’re not comfortable with. No one has the right to coerce or force you into doing something against your better judgment – and vice versa.
And this is not restricted to only your first time; it applies to every time you have sex. If your Partner says no; you shouldn’t see it as an opportunity to continue asking. Asking someone to do something repeatedly for them to change their mind is a form of coercion.
- You can decide to quit at any time.
If you’re no longer interested in having sex or you’re no longer comfortable, you have the right to stop. Again, your partner doesn’t have the right to force or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to.
- The only “right” moment is when it feels right for you.
You may be pressured to have sex earlier than when you want to. It is of grave importance to remember that you – and only you, can decide when it feels right for you to have sex especially if it’s your first time. If the timing doesn’t seem right, that’s fine. Wait until it feels right.
- “Everyone else is doing it” doesn’t mean you should do it.
Take or leave it; everyone else is not doing it. The amount of people having sex is literally declining. A survey carried out in 2016 reported that 15 percent of millennials haven’t been sexually active since they were 18 years old.
Besides, records from the centers for disease control and prevention in the United States indicates that the average age of teens waiting for their first sex is 17, an increase from the average age 16 last recorded in 2000.
- Sex is not one and the same with love and intimacy
Sex – like swimming – is a physical activity and shouldn’t be mistaking for love, romance, intimacy or emotional bond.
Your conception of sex, though, is a bit more complicated. Some people only engage in sex with someone whom they are emotionally attached to, while others may have sex for the sake of it. No strings attached.
Therefore you should make sure that you’re cool with the fact that whoever you’re having sex with might not place any emotional value on the experience the way you do.
- Your soul is not going to be at risk of being tied to the person for eternity.
Some people may possess strong religious notions about the idea of sex. Others may not. In any case, your soul won’t be destroyed for having sex nor will you be tied to your partner for eternity.
In the long run, sex is just sex. It’s a regular healthy activity that has no connection with your moral or spiritual background.
- The dynamics may change when you are having sex with someone you frequently come in contact with.
“Do we have to do this every time we’re together?”, “will sex always be that way?” “How does this affect our relationship?” As you and your partner go deeper, questions such as these will begin to surface.
Some of the answers to these questions might be complicated and even upset either of you. But no matter the outcome, it is essential to always keep a honest and open mind as you talk through these issues.
- Your first sex doesn’t determine the kind of sex you may or may not have in the future.
The amazing thing about sex is that it’s a whole new experience each time. Your first time of having sex might not be as exciting as you had imagined, but it doesn’t mean that your subsequent encounters will be the same as the first.
The kind of sex you may or not have in the future depends on the partner, willingness to explore new things, level of experience, and lots more.
- If your first sex didn’t go as planned, you could always try again.
Your first sexual encounter shouldn’t be a done and dusted affair unless you choose so. If your first sex didn’t go as expected or wanted, you could always try again – and again, and again. After all, it is said that practice makes perfect.
