Relationships are never a smooth ride all the way. Sometimes, you get offended, and other times, you are the offender.
Learning to keep it all together during these trying times will keep the love between you and your lover burning for a long time.
If there are never fights, something isn’t right, but if conflicts do come, you must fight fairly.
As young children, the picture of love that usually comes to mind is that of a Cinderella story, where you fall helplessly in love with Prince Charming and live happily ever after.
You never get to imagine having fights or getting upset at some of the things your prince might do or say.
Growing up and falling in love for the first time changes all the fairy tale expectations, and you realize it’s a different ball game in the real world.
Some couples who eventually get a divorce may never have had fights in front of their kids or even showed signs of ever disagreeing.
They master the art of sucking it all in and wearing a smiling face to derail other people, especially their children.
It is perfect to keep your disagreement away from third-party eyes and ears, but it is not OK to bottle it up and not discuss it between yourselves.
Bottling up anger will only lead to resentment and eventually tear the two people in a relationship apart.
Because humans always have needs, you will discover that most reasons for relationship conflicts are unmet needs.
Both emotional and physical needs can cause relationship strain, and that is how most people become distant from each other even though they sleep in the same bed every night and wake up together.
Do Not Be Afraid of Disagreements
It’s OK to have misunderstandings; in fact, they are necessary and very healthy for the growth of your relationship.
When quarrels occur, see them as an opportunity to get to know each other better. It would be best to seize the chance of a conflict to express your feelings to your partner; it helps them understand your vulnerable side.
Attack the Problem, Not Your Spouse
When matters that lead to conflict come up, do not use abusive words or try to make your partner feel less important to prove your point.
Understand that your partner is not your enemy, and the problem at hand should be solved in the most civil and loving manner possible.
When you say mean things in the heat of the moment to your partner, you may be unable to take them back, which could create resentment.
Stay Focused on the Present Issue
Resist the temptation to refer back to old issues when making a point.
If you keep digging up old trash, you might stray from the main topic and even forget what you are fighting about because so many arguments will creep out of nowhere.
If you want the problem resolved, you should avoid the urge to keep saying “I told you so”. Your partner knows you are right, but they might be too angry to admit it.
Identify the Issue
Every time you have little arguments, does it all end up pointing at a particular thing? Say, for example, you went to dinner with the new male neighbor and stayed out late, and you weren’t taking your calls.
You came home and apologized without explaining for not answering your calls, and that day passed.
Two days later, you both argue about who left the kitchen tap running, which your husband somehow refers to the other night.
A week later, you have another argument about who put what where, and he refers back to the other night yet again.
The little fights are just topics; the issue you have to deal with is the night you go out.
Many petty conflicts revolve around an unresolved issue. If attention is not paid to the underlying problem (the unresolved issue), it will continue to rear its ugly head through minor topics and cause further damage to your relationship.
Do Not Trivialize the Issue
When your significant other is hurt by something you did or said, never make them feel they are overreacting.
Your partner is bothered by the issue because it is essential to him or her, and you have to respect their feelings.
In many cases, trivialized problems lead to more significant issues that spiral out of control and lead to breakups.
If you genuinely love a person, you make them feel loved, understood, and emotionally secure. Downplaying topics of concern to your partner is not a healthy way of conflict resolution.
Know When It’s Time to Say Goodnight!
When the argument gets intense, and you notice you guys are not making any headway, it is OK to keep quiet and take a break.
Wait till the next day or maybe a few hours to let off steam, then attempt to resolve the dispute again.
Chances are your significant other may have realized his mistakes and will be in a better frame of mind to apologize and make up with you.
Never Suggest a Breakup
Yes, you may feel like you would be better off without your partner, but trust me, that feeling will always come to you, no matter who you are with.
People from different backgrounds view issues from various perspectives, and because you feel you are correct, it doesn’t guarantee that there’s no sense in your partner’s point of view.
So, never let anger lead you to threaten to call it quits. Whenever you say you want to break up or get a divorce, you defeat the purpose of conflict resolution and give up on something beautiful.
Your partner might also feel that expressing themselves could cause them to lose you, which would disrupt sincere communication between you.
Apologize and Mean It
Saying sorry can heal a wound, but being sincerely sorry can treat the injury and leave no scars.
When you say hurtful things or realize that you are at the offending end, please do not hesitate to offer a sincere apology and avoid repeating the same mistake repeatedly.
If your partner is wrong and won’t apologize, make them understand that you had forgiven them even before they annoyed you.
I Love You
After every fight, remember to reassure your significant other of your feelings for them. Hugs can go a long way toward calming the rage and fixing the situation.
Saying “I love you” reminds them despite the fight, they still mean everything to you, and that is not about to change.
