Young kids are adorable and pure. Their innocent mind makes us love them more, and that is why, as they grow up, we often wonder –how do they learn to lie?
Well, it is not a mystery. Young kids are known for sincerity and honesty, even to the point of embarrassment.
They never cover up for anyone’s feelings, so they are truthful about their parents and others.
You could quote that, ‘They always say their mind.’ That is why young children find it difficult to lie convincingly.
Here’s a short story:
Mummy leaves a book and a pen on the kitchen table; she goes out to get groceries. Mary’s curiosity gets a hold on her, and she picks up the book and starts drawing on mummy’s book. Mummy returns to find her book in disarray (in a disordered manner).
Mummy is displeased and grumpy. Mummy asked Mary if she had played with the book, but Mary had denied it. Mummy is smart, and she sees ink stains on Mary’s palm. She also knows Mary’s drawing style. Question: WHY DID MARY LIE?
Young kids might lie or say false things but as a parent or guardian, should you freak out or immediately react or resist the urge to get upset and punish your kid?
Parents should expect children to lie at some point as they grow up. Lying should certainly never be overlooked. Dishonesty isn’t an excellent character that one should grow into.
Kids do not always think before acting, so they don’t anticipate consequences. But they will respond to an angry look and how upset you sound. So, they try to lie through situations but fail sometimes.
They often fail when asked further questions or follow-up questions. But as they progress in age, they understand the need to match their answers to follow-up questions to their lies.
At What Age Do They Start Lying?
Every child is different, but studies have shown that they start to lie from age 2 and a half years and above. Also, children lie more at age 4-6 years. At this stage, they have a brief sense of right and wrong.
Their cognitive mind is developing, and they explore their curiosity. Below are major reasons for lying.
- Fantasy and the brain: This one often happens in toddlers. Kids have an imaginary world of creativity. Their perception of the things around them isn’t fully developed. So therefore, they could say that ‘they saw a monster with the face of a clown hiding behind the door’ or ‘I went to the moon last night.’ Those are fantasies and stories that seem exciting to that child. And most of the time, they speak before they think. They could assume that they did not commit an act while they did. This is a result of short-term memory. These are examples of lies of omission and partial truth.
- Cover-up tactics against punishments: Kids usually tell a lie to cover up mistakes. Since they observed how upset their parents or guardians were, they wanted to maintain peace and avoid punishment.
- Kids lie to look good before others or make others look bad. This includes their friends at school or siblings. For example, a kid might claim to have a motor car while, in reality, he doesn’t, just because his other friends are bragging about owning one. They could brag about things to get attention.
- To get something: Kids often try to play smart by lying to acquire things. For example, a child says that he hasn’t taken any sweets or chocolate to get his parents to get him one while he got one before.
- To avoid responsibility: Children run away from chores and responsibilities. For example, one could pretend to be sick to avoid going to school.
When kids show a little dishonesty, there shouldn’t be a cause for alarm. However, when lying becomes a regular occurrence, it could become a bigger problem.
How to Handle a Child That Lies?
- Take time to talk calmly with your child. When calm, you are less likely to attack the child’s personality and more likely to address the situation.
- Once you have understood why your child lied, express the consequences of lying rather than punishing him or her. It is easy to react and punish a child, but first, explain the consequences to the child, i.e., why lying at that point was wrong and how it relates to the situation. That way, they will understand the need to always be truthful.
- Give appropriate punishment for the mistake committed and a reward system for truth-telling. When your child admits to wrongdoing, praise him or her.
- Model the truth: Parents play a vital part in influencing a child’s morality norms. Children are quick to copy what they see and hear. They reflect the behaviors of their parents.
- Make your child feel comforted in telling you the truth. Most kids say, ‘I was scared that you would get angry or punish me; that is why I lied.’ If a child only worries that you will be angry, he might avoid telling you the truth. Parents must consciously make efforts to make their children feel comfortable in telling the truth. They must know they can talk with their parents without losing affection and love. Research has shown that children are less likely to tell the truth when threatened with punishment for lying.
- Mind your language: Avoid being judgmental in the heat of a moment. Kids are sensitive, so be mindful of the words used. Avoid blaming them or calling them a ‘liar.’ For example, you could say, ‘You are usually very honest with me, but I can not understand what else could have happened to the last chocolate bar.’
Research has also shown that when a child believes his parents think he is a liar, he might not bother to tell the truth even when right because they would not believe him.
In conclusion,
As much as we want our kids always to tell the truth, parents must realize that telling lies is a natural part of growing up. With warnings and extra consequences, a child can be groomed rightly.
